Sexual Tension
by Feigningintrest
Summary: Pansy's got the answer to the on-going war between Draco & Hermione, despite everyone else making nice. Sexual Tension! She's convinced she's right and she's going to prove it. A/U and OOC M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

This is COMPLETELY A/U and OOC, I just really felt the need to make myself laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh too.

"Sexual Tension!!!!"

Spiked Gilly Water burned up through Hermione's nose as she choked Violently. "Hello Pansy. How was your day, oh really that's great mine was good too. THAT is how you start a conversation Pansy.

"I don't have time for pleasantries. I had an Epiphany on the way over here and I've finally found the answer to the riddle of the on going war between Draco and Hermione." Pansy said flopping down on the bar stool beside Hermione.

Hermione waved Tom the bartender over for another drink, "Nothing for that one, I think She's already drunk" Hermione told him.

Pansy rolled her eyes and ordered a drink, "I'm serious! There's no other explanation for the way you two fight. Everyone else gets along now, Hell even Weasley tolerates him, but you two still fight like you're 6th years. It's sexual tension!"

Hermione downed the last of her first drink and started on the next. "Please lower your voice, there are PLENTY of other explainations for why we fight. Let's see, he resents that I'm technically his superior at work, or he's an arrogant prig, or he's thrives on doing things simply because he knows they infuriate me. There's a million other reasons Pans, and yours just isn't one of them." She put up a finger for each of her reasons, and pointed at Pansy when she told her she was wrong.

"There's too much heat in the way you fight. If you really didn't like each other, you would simply ignore one another. I'm right and you know it, come on that blond hair, those grey eyes, the quidditch build." Pansy said

"What is this quidditch build nonsense? He rides a BROOM, with MAGIC, and he never actually catches the snitch. There's not athletic ability in playing seeker. His body comes from long hours at a muggle gym with that oaf Crabbe he hangs out with. Keep listing his appealing qualitites I might think it's you who wants to shag him." Hermione corrected.

"HA you admit he's got a nice body!!" Pansy announced triumphantly, rolling her eyes at Hermione's accusation, please been there done that bought the t-shirt, never again she thought to herself.

"Oh dear Merlin. Remind me to say no next time you ask to meet for drinks" Hermione shook her head and took another sip of her drink. "I never said he wasn't physically attractive, but that doesn't mean there's sexual tension. Hell I'd admit you were a beautiful woman if asked, I certainly have no interest in you."

"I'm telling you. I. Am. RIGHT. I may not be as book smart as you, or as money savvy as Draco, but when it comes to people I know these things." Pansy defended. "Hmm, let's appeal to your scientific side. What would you say to a little experiment? If I'm wrong I'll never mention it again, and if I'm right you'll get the best shag of your life, and maybe there will be peace in the office for once."

"You're nutters woman." Hermione shook her head but figured shutting Pansy up might be worth what she was suggesting. "How do you propose we 'test your hypothesis'?" She asked

Pansy smiled, "That skirt suit we got you last week, the pinstripe one, wear it to the office tomorrow. I'll take care of everything else. I'll see you later I have preparations to make" Pansy smiled wide, downed the last of her drink and ran from the bar digging through her bag for something.

************

"Draco, it's Pansy. Oh right caller ID I'm just getting used to this Muggle Mobile thingy, right sorry, I need you to wear a tie to the office tomorrow. I most certainly DO NOT intend on dragging you into an empty office by it, Merlin you really are a pig. Just do as I say, and shut up for once. Goodbye" She closed the phone and held her head just a little higher. She was about to prove her bookworm friend wrong and it felt good.

A/N: I actually already have a lot more of this written, but because it's so OOC and A/U I wasn't sure if anyone would like it so I'm just putting this up as a tester. It's meant to be funny though, I promise actual Draco/Hermione interaction in the next chapter, and he's actually pretty much himself.

If you want read what happens let me know, if not I'll drop the story.


	2. Chapter 2

12 reviews in fewer than 24 hours!! WOW! I guess it made you guys laugh too, I'm so excited. I appreciate every single review and the second this is posted I'm going to take time to respond to all of them. Too everyone who added me as a favorite, or alert Thank You!!!!

This chapter the story starts to earn its rating for some courser language and innuendo.

Pansy sat at her desk too excited to actually work. Today was the day, Hermione would be in any minute and Draco, true to form, would stroll in an hour later just because he knew it infuriated her.

When Hermione came in she was dressed as Pansy had asked: A black skirt suit with emerald pinstripes, a green silk blouse slightly unbuttoned but modest, her unruly hair straightened and soft, and she'd even gone so far as to put on a little make up.

"See you're always beautiful, but now you're downright HOT!" Pansy told her.

"Oh shut it Parkinson, you owe me big time, 4 inch heels all day is going to kill. My pedicure this weekend is SO on you." Hermione shot as she walked through the reception area to the office she shared with Malfoy.

As expected Draco swaggered in eyes fixed on Pansy, he stopped in front of her desk and looked down at her, "Care to tell me why I'll be spending the whole day choking Pansy?"

Hermione's eyes flew open in shock, that was absolutely the last time she confided in Pansy about a fetish for men in ties. She yanked a sheet of parchment and inked a quill scribbling furiously. When she was done she tapped the parchment to form the paper airplane and directed it straight at the back Pansy's shiny black hair.

"What the hell?" Pansy shrieked yanking the plane from the air and reading it so Draco couldn't see.

_You've skewed the experiment!!! I'm flooing home at lunch to change. _

Draco leaned forward to stare questioningly at Hermione and she shrugged and simply said, "Oops wasn't watching where I threw that," then turned back to her desk.

Pansy wrote quickly while Draco was still staring confused at Hermione, and threw the plane back.

_You'll do no such thing, nothing is skewed. I simply increased the variables a little to gain faster results. _

Draco looked back at Pansy, "I still want to know why I'm wearing this ridiculous thing." He announced holding up the end of his tie.

"I said do as I say and shut up, you've done as I said, now shut up." She shooed him away with her hands, and he walked backwards through the office door still staring at Pansy as if she'd lost her mind. When he was in his office he looked at Hermione and asked, "What's her deal? She called me last night, insisting I wear a tie out of nowhere."

"Who knows," She was trying to keep an even tone and sound unaffected. "Love her like crazy but she's not always right, if you know what I mean" She finished by twirling her finger around her ear without looking up.

As she thought about it maybe upping the variables wasn't a bad idea, the faster she proved Pansy wrong, and the faster she could go home and change. So she stood up and walked slowly to the file cabinet across the office. She rummaged through the top drawer on her toes and stood leaning against the cabinet.

Draco looked up at the sound of her footsteps, he distinctly heard heels clicking, and she never wore heels. He saw her look for a file pull it out and stand there reading intently, "Is there a meeting I forgot about, is that why I'm wearing a tie?" He asked staring her down.

She looked up at him and answered shortly, "No."

"What's with the get up Granger?" He drawled

"I went shopping." She told him not looking up.

"Looks like you finally tamed that bush you call hair too, not trying to Lure Weasley from his Fiancé are you?" He asked

"No you moron, I simply decided to go shopping, and by the way what's with that tie? Green with a Slytherin Crest what are we back at Hogwarts?" She shot back

"Looks like you forgot what house you were in, if that's the case Emerald Green? And pinstripes? You might as well just draw arrows to your inner thighs." He laughed standing up, and walking towards her.

"Oh please, black silk shirt, like that doesn't scream look at my chest I work out 6 days a week because I have no life." She said walking up to him and poking his shoulder. "And those pants, could they get any tighter, practically begging people to look at your arse."

"4 Inch Peep toes to the office, those just shout 'I haven't been laid in months'." He pointed to her now slightly aching feet. "And for the record just because I don't sit at the bar with Parkinson, The Wonder Weasel, and the overly affectionate Potters doesn't mean I don't have a life." Pansy heard the first raised voice and started doing a little happy dance in her mind, this was going EXACTLY as she had expected.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize that hanging out in a room full of sweaty men, for 3 hours a day grunting like animals with Vincent Crabbe was considered a life. Although it would explain why you're not married, is that it Malfoy, are you gay?"She crossed her arms under her bust line and he fought to keep his eyes on hers. Pansy's eyes opened wide, and waited for the inevitable demise of Hermione Granger, Draco would not take well to being called homosexual.

The killing curse didn't come but a much angrier voice ripped through the silence, "You're not married either, might explain all the shopping. Countless hours spent naked in dressing rooms with Pansy and Ginny."

"Please, I'm sure anything either of them could do, would be twice as satisfying as anything you could manage" She rolled her eyes and tried to walk away.

He grabbed her small wrist and pulled her back so she was inches from his face. "You'd be begging for me in a heartbeat if I showed you only half of what I could do" it was a throaty growl barely audible, and Hermione's cheeks went pink.

"Just like back at school, Draco Bloody Malfoy, king of the insults, but always all talk and no action" she retorted trying to keep her voice from betraying her, "Now kindly let go of me. I'm not a broomstick."

He didn't let go, instead he gripped her tighter and yelled out the door. "Parkinson, Miss Granger and I have a problem to solve, we cannot be disturbed" and then slammed the door shut so hard the windows shook.

Pansy's happy dance was now an outward one; she clapped her hands and squealed like a small child on Christmas morning. "I so love being right" She said aloud to herself.

A/N: There will one more installment. What goes on behind closed doors? You'll find out next time

Thank You again to everyone who reviewed and added this story, you're the greatest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's where it really earns it's rating. Sorry I cut the last chapter where I did but it needed to be done. I'm hoping the lemony goodness in this chapter makes it worth the (very short) wait. **

Hermione jumped when the door slammed shut and looked at him indignantly, "Why are you slamming doors like a spoiled little brat Malfoy?"

"Don't play dumb with me Granger. Brightest witch of our age right? What's really going on today? You come in here like something out of a Muggle porn movie, dance around the office pretending you need files from a drawer clearly labeled obsolete, and then start an argument and question my sexual orientation. Pansy calls me telling me to wear a tie, I haven't worn a tie since school. Something's going on and I want to know what?"

"I did no such thing! YOU started the argument, as usual." she reminded him.

"Cut the act Hermione." He scolded.

"Hermione? Really we're on a first name basis Draco" she drawled.

He pushed her up against the file cabinet she had been pretending to dig in and held her by her wrists. "Time to tell the truth or I pull the vile from my desk" she knew he kept veritas in his top drawer, more for threatening than anything else but it was there and he looked just confused enough to use it.

"Let go of me you stupid oaf." she pulled her hands free and slid away from him. "Sit, shut up and listen" she said sitting on top of her desk and pointing to the chair in front of her. He surprisingly did as he was asked and looked at her as if to say 'let's have it then'

"Did you put a silencing charm on the door?" she asked, he nodded and she continued. "It was an 'experiment'. Pansy's crazy idea. We met for drinks last night and she didn't even say hi before spitting out that she had solved the riddle of our continued hatred for one another. Sexual Tension." He choked on his own saliva before he doubled over laughing. "That was pretty much my reaction, only I had a mouthful of vodka laced gilly water come through my nose. I told her she was out of her mind but she insisted on this experiment insanity, I figured it would shut her up when she saw that even in a short skirt, and with a little sexual innuendo thrown in we didn't shag on the desk for the whole Ministry to see. Of course because of your sudden need to yell at me in private she probably assumes that's exactly what we're doing, and won't believe me if I tell her we weren't."

"Now I get the outfit, which is actually rather hot by the way, but why the tie?" He asked

"Thrown in to get me going I'm guessing. Remind me never to tell Pansy about another Fetish." She rolled her eyes and crossed her legs forgetting she had on a short skirt and Draco was directly in front of her at eye level with the hem of said skirt.

"Experiment's over cut it with the seduction" she said sitting back a little.

She flushed bright red, "I didn't think your eyes would be there, I was talking to you forgive me for assuming you would be looking at my face."

He laughed a little and stood up trying to hide the sudden evidence that he wasn't opposed to what he had just seen, "I told you might as well draw arrows to your thighs with that damn skirt" He put his hands in his pockets.

"Must you turn EVERYTHING into an argument?" she huffed sliding down off the desk and realizing they were too close.

She was at eye level with his throat and she looked up to see him looking down just as uncomfortable but not moving. He took his hands out of his pockets and stepped forward she stepped back but her legs hit the desk behind her. He put his hands on the desk on either side of her leaning down to look her in the eye. She caught a glint of something almost sinister in his eyes and her breath caught in her throat.

Before she had time to stop herself she had a hold of his tie in one hand and her other on the desk balancing her. She yanked him into her and crushed his lips with hers. He bit down on her lip and when she gasped from the shock he forced his tongue into her mouth. In that one single second the war for dominance was still raging, but battle of words was over, now it was who would be in control of what was about to happen. She tried to push him back towards the chair but he didn't budge just pushed himself harder against her. He lifted his hands from the desk and put them on her waist lifting her slightly to sit on the desk before he pulled back. She was desperately trying to fill her air starved lungs.

"I think Pansy may have been right." he said breathlessly. "And I'm certainly up for proving you wrong in three areas at once."

She cocked her head to the side and looked at him questioningly, "three?"

"Obviously, you were wrong in your argument with Pansy, Sexual Tension really does seem to be our issue, though I must admit I was wrong there as well" He began as he loosened but didn't take off his tie, "I'm definitely NOT gay," he got closer again and bit her neck lightly making her back arch to him, "And I'm about to prove that I can do things to you you'd never get from Ginny or Pansy in a fitting room" he laughed before pushing her back on the desk and lifting her skirt up.

He slid a hand up the side of her leg and pulled her little shorts down her thighs, the sudden rush of air over what was now a very sensitive, warm and wet made her ache a little and she pulled her legs up around him. He laughed as he trailed his fingers back up from her ankles, to her knees and then even slower from her knees to where she really wanted them. He teased for just a second before sliding one finger in and then back out torturously slow. She propped herself up on her elbows to watch him as he continued to tease her. She whined a little and he just smirked at her and went slower.

"Pansy would have had me half way to finished by now," she told him in a raspy voice.

"Maybe, but faster isn't always better, I know what I'm doing, just shut up and let me do it" he responded as he pushed 2 fingers in more aggressively. Her head dropped back and she caught her lip between her teeth to keep from moaning. He laughed a little and lowered his mouth to her exposed thigh and bit down.. This time she couldn't hold back the sound that seemed to come from somewhere deeper than she expected and her other leg tightened to draco's side.

He slid his fingers out completely and she whimpered but his tongue replaced them almost instantly. He felt her legs start to tighten, and then shake and he knew he had her close so he slowed down and turned his head to lick the skin of her thigh. She lifted one hand and put it in his hair and he smirked, "Still think Ginny or Pansy could do better"

"N-no" she stammered.

He laughed and leveled himself to face her again, she took hold of his tie again and pulled him into another furious kiss. When he was participating fully she moved her hand from his tie and started to fuss with his belt buckle. When she finally had it open she made quick work of the button and zip on his trousers. She shoved them down with her heels and as they scraped his skin he hissed into her lips and she smiled. When he was finally divested of the clothing in the way he couldn't wait any longer, he pulled himself back to look in her eyes looking for any sign that she may not want this, there wasn't any, "Yes or No?" he asked.

"Yes" she whispered.

As he pushed forward into her she raised her hips to meet his. She languished in the full feeling for a long time, and then started to move with him. She whispered his name, told him how perfect he felt, and dug her nails into his back through his shirt, and soon he couldn't take it anymore. He bit down on her exposed neck, and her walls tightened around him and that was his undoing. When they had both regained their breath he stepped back fixed his clothes.

She was smiling now, something he hadn't seen in the year they had shared an office, and he smiled back at her.

She slid off the desk and stood in front of him, taking hold of his tie again, "I so love it when Pansy's right" she joked before pulling his face down to meet hers again.

**So there it is! I hope it lived up to expectations. **

**Also I'd like to add for good measure that I am not J.K. Rowling, which means I don't own Draco, Hermione, Pansy, or anyone else mentioned. I'm just having fun with the products of her wonderful imagination.  
**


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